People lose their way when they lose their why.
Gail Hyatt
There is a feeling – a little spark, a fire, a dream, a passion, a continual voice speaking of “something bigger than you” buried deep-down in each of us. While some tune-in effortlessly and follow that feeling by fully embracing and living their purpose; others, for many reasons, struggle with their WHY.
The WHY becomes a question for ALL at some point in life. For each that point comes at different times which further poses the question, WHY?
From a very young age, about seven years old, prior to my faith becoming a strong part of who I am, I recall me questioning MY WHY. Somehow, I knew that this life on earth was a temporary one. At times, I felt like this was not my home. It was a temporary journey, and an interim address with a zip code called Earth. But WHY, and how does someone so young have thoughts and feelings like that? I have nieces and nephews around the same age and often question if this what they think about, and do they feel a sense of something more regarding their WHY?
As my life journey continued, I became more spiritual, always longing for and seeking the TRUTH. Religion was a strong and quiet part of my life, but not the “religion” that man created to condemn… I began to seek the TRUTH of what ONE MAN sacrificed as the light of all mankind that shines in the darkness (Jn 1:4-5). HE instructs HIS followers to carry HIS LIGHT into the dark places of the world and the human heart.
This was my TRUTH, my full understanding of a potential purpose, but how did it all fit into life…MY Life and MY WHY?
For me, the things that sparked a fire within my soul was (and still is) the creative process. The ability to create, with my hands, anything and everything imaginable, and make something beautiful from what might appear to be nothing. I began to tune into the fact that I could see the beauty in the things (material and human elements) around me that others deemed undesirable, unusable, “ugly” or even broken. I wanted to show those around me the worth of the undesirable, the “ugly” and the broken elements, and put them back together… creating Beauty from Ashes.
Of course, life would continue to happen throughout my journey, and as I continued to experience life – the unforseen paths, mountains, and valleys of this life would continue to pull my focus away from MY WHY. The life that I had envisioned became a different reality, and the focus became about ME and not about MY WHY.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that the biggest detour in my life would also be the biggest blessing and a large part of MY WHY. I can confidently say that now, however, it took me many years to be able to see it, truly accept it, and thank God for HIS strength and guidance even in times when I chose to do my own will as opposed to HIS. You see, I was married at a very young age, and without getting into the unnecessary details of the demise of the “marriage”; I will focus on the blessings and lessons learned that truly guided me to MY WHY.
I spent many years during the “marriage” trying to prove and show the worth of the undesirable, the ugly, and broken elements of the relationship and put them back together. In that effort, I lost my way and sacrificed myself. My faith was challenged to the core of my being, and I began to disconnect from the TRUTH, HIS will, and my compass in life. I wanted so desperately to make it MY way, and to “not fail” in a promise I made. Furthermore, I wanted to prove that I alone can fix the brokenness in my life due to the circumstances of that “marriage”. I began to take my eyes off the bigger picture, MY WHY, and focus solely on me and my wants and needs. I truly believed at the time that this was a necessary evil for my survival. This part of my journey was a thirteen-plus year battle both in the “marriage” and aftermath of that “marriage”. Reality is that I was ill-equipped for it, maneuvering off the path, and ultimately losing my way…
During a part of that journey, I realized that I had forgotten about the small child that would question my existence and purpose in this temporary zip code, called Earth. I forgot about the faith that I once heavily relied on for so many years, and most importantly; I forgot that I was LIGHT, and that I was instructed to shine in the dark places of the world and within the human heart. The challenge for me was that my LIGHT was so dim (if not extinguished), and I could offer no LIGHT to my own human heart, yet alone be able to LIGHT the world.
Quick story to prove this was not just my feeling. I was sitting in Barnes & Noble one afternoon. My world was dark and crumbling around me. I sat by myself, reading and minding my own business. I felt a burning sensation of someones piercing gaze directed at me. I looked up, not saying a word, and a man (who I did not know) was sitting across from me. From a distance, he motions his hand in a circular form and says to me, your aura is dark. He immediately looked down and continued on his business, and me, without a word, looked down and continued on my business. At that moment, I realized the darkness within me, and the fight to reignite the light began within ME.
As I look back on that time , I see that it was not until GRACE stepped forward, and by losing my way, I was able to finally find myself, and begin the journey of rediscovering my deepest and most inner passions. This occurred by taking my eyes off of me, and setting my focus on a larger picture which ultimately led me back to MY WHY.
You see, there are so many more stories of finding and losing myself along the journey. So many more stories of victories and defeats in the beautifully-messy paths of my life, in my career, in my relationships, and most importantly, in my FAITH… but the one constant is now KNOWING MY WHY!
Every story along that journey has prepared me; like a soldier in training, and now a warrior ready for battle; dressed in the proper armor, and armed with the Belt of Truth, Helmet of Salvation, Sword of the Spirit, Breastplate of Righteousness, and SOOOOOOOOO much LIGHT to shine in the dark places of the world and the human heart.
Unshattered Brokenness is about taking the beautifully-undesirable, unusably-usable, perfectly-ugly, and unshattered broken pieces of life, and putting them back together to create a Masterpiece of Beauty from Ashes, and prove that even in our brokenness, YOU and ME remain UNSHATTERED.
My WHY is not just about ME, it is about YOU, and it is for every single-mom, woman and human that has grown weary of the Cross they carry while attempting to run their race, and shine whatever LIGHT they have to offer to this world. MY WHY is a Victory Song, and YOUR reminder that YOU have what it takes to Run YOUR Race AND Carry YOUR Cross. But most importantly, with a little FAITH, a lot of LOV, and a with a HEART of determination; in the end, You WILL Make it too!
LOVE, with all my HEART,
Natalie
If your dream is only about you, it’s too small
Ava DuVernay
unshattered brokenness 